Anita Blake

As Anita drives through the city, heading towards the Church of Eternal Life, she hears her cell phone ring. Careful to keep her eyes on the road, she picks it up, frowning as she pulls up to a red light. She sees Zerbowski's name on the screen of the phone and quickly answers.

"What have you got, Zerbrowski?" she asks, impatient and eager.

Anita pulls up into the driveway of Ronnie's house, armed and ready for a fight. Not that she fully expects a fight, but she's prepared anyway. Ronnie had called and said she had a lead on the missing swanmane, and so Anita had come as quickly as possible. She gets out of the Jeep and sprints up to Ronnie's door, knocking impatiently.

Anita's exhausted.

And she's dirty.

And she just wants to crawl into bed beside someone and forget everything that's happened tonight. The Circus is closer than her house, and so she leaves a message with Micah that she'll stay with Jean-Claude tonight.

Between Primo, Jean-Claude's spectacle at Guilty Pleasures, the raising, and the confrontation after the raising with Jean-Claude... Anita's had it for the night.

She passes the guard at the door that leads from the street to the upper halls of the Circus. And then she passes the guard at the door that leads deeper. She's not really paying attention to much as she walks down stairs, along halls, heading to towards the room where she knows Jean-Claude will be. Anita doesn't know if she can bring herself to sleep beside a dead body, but she knows she needs to be near him.

Even if it means she sleep on his couch.

Hanging up from her conversation with Donovan, Anita then dials Ronnie's number. When Ronnie picks up on the third ring, Anita turns to face the door of her office.

"Ronnie? Hey, it's Anita," she says. "I have a problem, and I'm hoping you can help. You have an opening in your schedule today?"

Anita is hugging herself when Micah heads towards the front door. There is some conversation for a moment, and Anita knows one voice is Micah's, but the other she recognizes as Damian's. She should have felt him coming close, should have sensed him outside the house, but she hadn't. It spoke to her own exhaustion, to her own distraction, and her own hunger.

And her own desire to forget all that had gone on before with them. Since accepting Asher and Nathaniel back into her life -- both as food for the ardeur and intimate company, though it is only Asher so far that Anita allows to fuck her -- Anita has been avoiding Damian, relegating him once more to the vampire-servant-in-the-basement-she'd-like-to-forget.

She offers Damian a smile when he comes into the living room. He's dressed in that 1700's pine green frock coat embroidered in gold she's seen him in before, though it isn't authentic, designed instead to show off his pale throat and chest as best it can. Poofy black satin pants, a green sash, and black leather boots that folded over at his knees finished off the very... pirate-y look. Anita raises an eyebrow at the ensemble. "How was work?"

"Today, the Supreme Court announced that it will be hearing Brandywine v. Texas before the Christmas holidays with an announced decision sometime early in 1997. In this landmark case, the Court will decide if those infected with lycanthropy should be protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act, which would prevent employers from discriminating against lycanthropy in their hiring and firing practices. There is a march planned by..."

Anita mutes Richard's television and looks around the room at the gathered lycanthropes. "It's progress," she says, smiling at Richard.

Anita had sent word for Asher to meet her in the office of Guilty Pleasures. In her opinion, it's a relatively neutral place to meet, and if things went well, she could always send for Nathaniel.

She's hoping things will go well, because the last two weeks have been entirely unpleasant for everyone.

Sitting on the desk, she idly swings her legs, staring at the large bed on the opposite wall. Anita still thinks it to be a silly extravagance in a strip club, but hey, who was she to judge? She and Jean-Claude had utilized it on more than one occasion, and a bed was far preferable to the floor in Anita's opinion.

Anita gets into the Jeep, eyes on Animator's, Inc., and she lets out a long breath. The conversations with Damian and Demeter have been swirling around in her head for a couple of days now, and she knows they're both right. She pulls her cellphone out of her jacket and dials Richard's number. It's well past six in the evening, and she crosses her fingers that Richard didn't have a date tonight as the phone rings.

[OOC: This was written in Google Docs with Micah-mun! Woot!]

Anita checks the various rooms, but there's no Micah in the bar itself, so she heads outside. She heads into the forest, uncaring of the night or what else might be in the forest or who she might run across. She clings to her rage, because if she's raging, she's not thinking about how right Jean-Claude and Richard are or how hurt Nathaniel and Asher probably are. If she holds tight to the fury, she can keep thinking she's right.

"Micah?" she calls, voice tight. "Micah, if you're out here, we need to have a fucking talk!"

"Do we?" he answers, dropping down to stand behind her. "About what?" He can almost smell the rage coming off her, and it takes him back a moment, studying her closely. She isn't usually this angry, and...it's disconcerting when he has no idea why.

"You lied to me," Anita hisses. "You hid Nathaniel's relationship with Asher from me."

And there is where the fuel for her rage comes from.

Micah takes a step back at the hiss, like he's expecting her to lash out physically as well; it's not entirely unprecedented, though not at him when she's anything other than playful. But the realization she knows about Nat and Asher is a hurdle he hadn't really expected having to deal with yet. "Yes, I did. Because all of us knew you'd be angry, and we wanted to delay that as long as we could," he says mildly, trying to figure out if she's more angry that he hid it, or that Nat and Asher were together at all.

"Asher told me today," Anita says. "When I went to see him about something else, he confessed it to me. He confessed that you all hid it from me, lied to me. The people I trusted most, loved, kept a secret this big, and that really pisses me off! And then, when I told Nathaniel that we were leaving Milliways and you, me, and him were going to have a long talk, he chose to stay with Asher!" Anita throws her hands up, turning her face to the sky in frustration. "So I told him if he did that, there was no place for him in my home, in the pard."

Micah raises an eyebrow at that, blinking confusedly for lack of a better reaction. "You did...what?" She kicked Nat out of the pard...he can't really accept that just yet. It could take a few minutes. "Why did you do that, and what made you think you could kick Nathaniel out of our pard without talking to me first?"

"It's my pard," Anita says, righting her head. "He lied! He lied and lied, Micah. That shouldn't just be ignored. If Asher hadn't screwed Nathaniel's head up so much, I don't think Nathaniel would have ever even thought to lie to me."

"No... No, it isn't. It's ours, Anita, I work with you to take care of our leopards," he says slowly. "Asher didn't screw Nat's head up, Anita. He loves him. I've watched them talk, there's no subversion there," he murmurs. "Where's Nathaniel?"

Anita glares out into the treeline. "I left him in his room with Asher. They're probably fucking as we speak," she grinds out.

"I doubt it. Yelling at people tends to be a little of a mood-killer," he says, leaning back, face settling into a distinctly less-than-amused expression. It's close to pissed. Very. "So you told him he wasn't part of our pard anymore?"

"I told him if he stayed with Asher, he had no place in the house," Anita says. "And he doesn't."

"I differ." There is no beg, because he certainly isn't. "Nathaniel is my leopard as well and I am not letting you kick him out," he says simply, firmly. "Not like this, and not if I can help it ever. Am I making myself understandable?"

Anita stares at him, taken aback. "What?"

"I am not," he repeats, "letting you kick Nathaniel out of our pard." Micah isn't that much taller than Anita, only an inch and barely that, if he stands to his fullest height.

"He can come back to the pard when he stops seeing Asher," she says, her voice soft.

"You can't make him choose between his family and his lover," he argues, voice hardening for every pitch hers is softening. "None of us can or will. I'm Nimir-Raj to your Nimir-Ra, Anita, I have the same authority as you do. And I'm not lying down for you to tear us apart because you have a hard-on for not liking Nathaniel sleeping with someone else."

Anita shakes her head. "It's not that he's sleeping with someone else," she insists. "It's more than that. It's the fact Asher has taken advantage of Nathaniel, who is vulnerable and impressionable, and convinced him that this is a good idea!"

"And it hasn't entered your mind that Nathaniel really does love him, has it?" He wonders how she's missed it, really. "Has it just never occurred to you that this is why we all lied to you? To keep you from doing something quite this rash."

"I think they think they love one another," Anita says, lifting her chin defiantly. "I don't know how much of that is truth, though."

"Do you think I'd be telling you if it wasn't?" He'd never spelled out that Asher and Nathaniel weren't together; he'd only said nothing was going to harm him. "Ask Liz, or Jason. Or Jean-Claude for that matter."

Anita begins to pace. "I did talk to Jean-Claude. Richard too. They were of the opinion I was being highly unfair and ridiculously blind... among other things."

"I can understand them thinking that, and being in a position of slightly more authority to deal with this, I agree. It is. Nat's not getting kicked out of the pard."

"He can't be a part of us if he's fucking a guy, Micah."

"Anita, let me be honest in saying I don't care who he's fucking. He's still a part of the pard. He might not be in your bed, but last I checked that wasn't a prerequisite." He looks her over coolly. "You're going to have to accept that Nat will sleep with who he wants. Didn't you want him to be more independent?"

"Not like this!"

"So how?" Micah crosses his arms over his chest, lips thinning a little. "Why don't you want him with Asher?"

Anita shakes her head, words passing her lips without much thought. "Because he encouraged a lie. Asher isn't supposed to be with Nathaniel, Micah. He's supposed to be with Jean-Claude and me, not Nathaniel."

"Oh, so it's that you're jealous, not that you're concerned," he says dryly. "Not nearly a good enough reason to kick one of our leopards out. I'm tempted, very, to go get Nathaniel right now and countermand whatever it is you told him, Anita."

"I am not jealous," she says, flushing.

"I've just heard it out of your own mouth that Asher should be with you and Jean-Claude, not Nathaniel, and you're telling me you're not jealous?" He just levels a look at her that's half-expectant and half still angry. "I'm not an idiot, Anita."

Anita crosses to Micah. It bothers her to be so angry with him. It seems wholly unnatural to her. "I didn't say you were. I'm just saying that it's not jealousy. Nathaniel needs to be protected, and Asher's..." She swallows, because she can't make her say that he's dangerous. She knows he is, but not to her, not to Nathaniel. "You shouldn't have lied to me."

"Protecting him," he finishes. "I told you why we did. Because we knew you'd react like this."

"Like this? Like what?" Anita shakes her head, sighing. "I feel betrayed, Micah. Don't you understand that? Encouraging secrets isn't what we should be about. Lying should be discouraged. Out of all our leopards, I never thought Nathaniel would do this."

"Like kicking him out of the Pard and the house because he didn't see fit to inform you that he's seeing someone else?"

Anita scoffs. "It was an important piece of information."

"Yes, of course," he says sarcastically. "Because clearly you need to be apprised of every single thing all of us do. You have to accept that there will be times when we don't tell you everything," Micah explains, as if to a misunderstanding child. Because right now it does feel like it. "So what about Nathaniel being with Asher makes you think you have reason to cut him off?"

"They kept it a secret," Anita insists. "And when it comes to Nathaniel, yes, I need to be apprised of every single damn thing he does! We both agreed he needed to be protected, that after the shit that happened at Narcissus In Chains that he couldn't be trusted to tell people no. If he can't say no, then we should have been approached by Asher about the possibility of a relationship."

Not that Anita would have given her permission, but she feels that's besides the point.

"Protected, yes. But he's not a child, Anita, he's a grown man fully capable of making decisions on his own! If Asher was hurting him don't you think one of us that knew would have confronted him about it? Or do you not trust any of us to take care of our people? You're not the only one capable in the city, Anita, you need to realize that."

"I thought I could trust you, but you lied to me!" Anita cries out. "You, Micah, you. I trusted you, loved you, and you hid something important from me. And the fact you don't see it, acknowledge it, just makes me question who the hell I fell in love with."

Micah stops entirely and blinks, like the breath has been knocked out of him because it has. "Anita... I told you why I didn't tell you earlier. If you don't...if you think this isn't me, isn't who you fell in love with then we... we have a problem."

"If you could make such a unilateral decision to exclude this information from me, then I have the same right to make one regarding Nathaniel's status in our home and pard," Anita says, crossing her arms and looking away from Micah. She chooses not to address the problem of their relationship and what this all means to her. Her heart hurts, thinking all the people she called friends and lovers had lied to her all this time, kept something as important as a relationship from her.

"No, you don't. Keep our relationship out of Pard business," he snarls, neatly sidestepping her and turning to say one last thing before he fully intends to turn and go find Nat. "You're not kicking Nathaniel out of our Pard or our home because I'm not letting you, Anita, and I'm not arguing that anymore. I'm sorry we lied to you, and it hurt me to have to do it, but it's done now."

Anita turns around, staring after Micah. "Micah..." she begins, but she doesn't know what more to say.

"What?" He stops, but doesn't turn around. "What else do you want to say, Anita? Do you want to accuse me of not loving you, because I tried to keep two people I care about safe and relatively happy?"

Though he can't see it, Anita shakes her head. "No. I know you love me."

"Then what?" He's not in the mood to argue anymore, or to turn around and see her. Because he knows if he does he'll lose it, and he can't afford that right now, with her. Not while he's trying to argue for Nat.

Anita looks down at the ground and sighs. "Nothing. Nothing, Micah. Just... go."

He sighs, a shaky exhaled breath that tells anyone who can hear it just how close he is to stopping, turning around and pulling her into his arms. It hurts, almost physically hurts, to have this between him and his Mate. "He stays. And doesn't have to choose between us and Asher. I'm going to go tell them." He says it because he almost desperately wants her to follow so that when they leave he can make it up to her. As it is he can just hope she knows his meaning and will understand.

"Don't do this, Micah," Anita murmurs.

"I can't. I can't let you break his heart like that, Anita." Micah sighs, shoulders falling. "I love you, you know that. More than anyone. But I can't let you tear the pard in two."

Anita doesn't like his slumped shoulders and, before she can stop herself, she crosses the space between them. She wraps her arms around Micah's waist, pressing her lips to his shoulder. "We have to stand together. We can't be at odds over a decision, or the pard can fall apart. You won't stand behind me?"

"I won't let you kick him out," he repeats, feeling tired as he clasps his hands over hers, around his waist.

"Will you accept a compromise, then?" she asks, trying very hard to retain her calm, trying to meet her mate halfway.

"What's the compromise?" Micah asks, turning in Anita's arms to wrap his own around her.

Anita looks up into his bright eyes. "He can remain in the pard, but he needs to not live at the house for a little while. I need... I need to come to terms with this, what it means. I'm not comfortable sharing living space with him just yet." It's the best she can do, but it's something. "I... promise. It won't be forever, but I'm angry and hurt right now, and it would be best if I figure this out without him under foot."

He doesn't like that arrangement, but Anita has a point. Micah sighs softly, hurt and discontent written plainly on his face. "Alright. He can live at the Circus, with Asher, for a while. No more than a month," he says. "Just until we figure this out."

A month is reasonable. "All right. One month. I just need some time." There is a lot she needs to digest, understand, and she needs the rage to fully bleed out of her before she has any further conversations with Asher or Nathaniel. "I love you, Micah, and..." She sighs. "I don't want to hurt you. No more than I already have."

"I don't want to hurt you either," he murmurs into the crown of her hair. "I love you too. They have to be told."

Anita hugs him, kissing his throat. "You can tell them." He'd been their advocate, she'd rather he tell them the news.

"Alright." He squeezes her tight, lifting her feet off the ground for a moment as he holds her to his chest. "I will. I love you, sweetheart."

She takes the opportunity to kiss his lips. "Find out if we need to get a new room or if Nathaniel will be... sharing Asher's here from now on."

"I will."

"Meet me in the bar around dawn?"

He chuckles. "If not earlier. If you want to, get a new room, I'll come find you. You should sleep, baby."

"I'll sleep when you come back to me and I know where things stand," Anita murmurs.

Micah leans in and presses a gentle kiss to her lips, brushing his cheek against hers in a cat-like move with a barely audible purr. "I'll always come back to you."

There's a visible release of tension in her body now that they weren't arguing with each other. "Go and come back. I'll have some dinner while I wait."

"Do. You don't eat enough." Micah doesn't feel quite so tired, or so ill, now that they're on the same side. Or at least the same side of the middle.

Anita steps back, smoothing down her shirt. "Go on. Go. I'll meet you inside when you're done."

He doesn't like letting her go, and likes it even less when she's the one to step back, but he lets his arms fall from around her waist, pushing one over his hair, which he still hasn't cut, and is still tied into a curly ponytail. "I'll look for you in the bar," he murmurs, turning to go inside, and to tell Nat that while he's still in the pard, and isn't being cut off from anything, he can't stay at the house for a while. This...this probably won't go well.

[OOC: This was written in Google Docs with Asher-mun! Woot!]

Anita makes her way to Asher's room in Milliways, thinking back over her conversation with Jean-Claude. Despite his assurances that he is happy with just her, with just what they have, she doesn't fully believe that. He's an accomplished liar, she knows that much, and she thinks he's lying to her now. Maybe even lying to himself. As she'd told him more than once, she's seen how Asher and Jean-Claude look at one another when they think no one else is watching. It's hard to miss the longing and needing and wanting in their expressions in those unguarded moments.

She pauses for a moment, staring at the door. It's just like when she'd made the choice to protect Asher from Musette. Anita knows she's standing on the brink of something, something very important, and it makes her heart flutter with fear. But Anita Blake doesn't let fear hold her back, and she's promised Jean-Claude she'd talk to Asher. She knows they need to talk. They need to see if they can exist, without Jean-Claude between them, so that the question of if they can be a true ménage à trois can be answered.

Taking a deep breath, Anita raises her fist and knocks firmly. It's only courtesy, as she knows Asher can already smell her, hear her, has known she's standing here for several minutes. She's pretty sure he even knows she's nervous and that Jean-Claude's scent lingers on her skin. It's one of those surreal moments, realizing just how much about her the vampires around her know just from inhaling her scent and listening to her body.

Asher has indeed been waiting for Anita to gain the courage to knock, his hands folded across his stomach, clad in a shirt and dress pants, his feet bare, crossed at the ankle as he reclines in bed. He had been reading, enjoying the quiet of his room in Milliways, the knowledge that the chance of interruption was far slimmer here. Apparently, however, not impossible.

Intrigued by Anita's nervousness, and at the same time wary, Asher bids her enter. He can smell Jean-Claude on her skin, unable to tell if it is an intentional taunt, or whether she truly did not think, had come straight from Jean-Claude's room because her need for him, for Asher, was so great. He is quietly amused by the thought, a bitter laugh kept internal through no little effort. As if Anita could want him, when she had Jean-Claude. When she had Micah, and Nathaniel, and Richard, and a dozen men far simpler and far less scarred, to choose from.

Standing just inside the door, Anita looks Asher over, from toes to head. She has that same reaction she did the night of the banquet, a tugging inside her to go to him. The need is there, to touch him, kiss him, make him happy, and see him smile at her. It's not as intense or overpowering as it had been when they'd saved him, but it's there. Anita just can't decide if it's real and, if it isn't, if that truly matters. She resists the urge to go to him, though, at least for now. Anita isn't even sure he'd welcome her near, so she doesn't push either of them just yet.

"Are you busy?" she asks, meeting his gaze. "I don't want to interrupt if you are."

Asher shakes his head, sitting up slowly. "An interruption from you, cher, is usually a pleasant one." Unless they're in St Louis, in which case it means at least one person that he cares about is about to risk their life. Or lose it. Milliways, though, is different. And right now, with Nathaniel seeming to avoid him, he is glad of the company.

"I did not know you were here, I had thought you were back in St Louis." That was the only explanation he had for the lack of Nathaniel's company. "Is Jean-Claude here, also? And your own triumverate?"

"We're all back," she says with a nod. "Jean-Claude is here, as is Richard."

She's spent an awful lot of time with Richard, in fact. Almost as much time as she spends with Jean-Claude, as the vampire had pointed out.

"I'd realized, though, we... well, you and I haven't talked since Musette's visit. I think we should," Anita murmurs, stepping closer to the bed. "I've been thinking about you. A lot, really."

Asher shifts, one leg bending at the knee, tucked under the opposite thigh as he leans forward, gesturing to the bed beside him, offering Anita a seat.

"Thinking about me?" He murmurs playfully. "If you are not careful, ma petit, you will make me blush..."

Anita gives a snort, chuckling as she sits beside him on the bed. "Asher, I think it would take an act of God to make you blush, and I am certainly no act of God."

"No?" Asher's playful smile turns utterly wicked. "The night I spent with you was certainly...biblical in proportion." Oh, it is fun to tease. Especially Anita, who gives it back in kind. And God, it has been far too long since he's teased her. He was so wrapped up in his own pain, in his scars, that he couldn't see what was in front of him. Anita's ease around him, even through her nerves, is like a balm to his unseen wounds.

It's Anita who blushes at that. "That night." She shakes her head, taking in a breath. "It was memorable."

She's thought about it frequently, actually, much to her embarrassment. Just the memory of it is enough to make her shiver with desire.

"You're a dangerous one," she says with a smile, glancing at him. "But I think you were dangerous to me before we ever slept together. Despite my attempts at trying to convince myself otherwise, you're like this bright beam of sunlight, and you have been since the moment we met. Beautiful and sensual and deadly for my virtue, what little was left of it."

Asher ducks his head, pleased and humbled all at once. He has been told many times that he is beautiful. For years, he was not, and even now...it is hard to hear such a thing. From Nathaniel, from Jean-Claude, and now from Anita, it means more. More than the casual opinions of those in the Circus of the Damned, those who see him walking the halls. What they see is only illusion, only what good genes and Belle Morte's power graced him with.

The three people he loves, however, see what is inside, and still find him beautiful. It is this he cannot understand, nor truly accept. He still feels too broken for that.

"I have been dangerous to many, cher," he murmurs, looking up at her through his hair, a glint of pale blue through a golden curtain that shimmers as it moves.

Anita's heart jumps at that look, at the tone of voice Asher uses. This is what she's been afraid of, why she hasn't come looking for him until now. Her body reacts to his nearness, to his voice, to his glances. Mouth dry, she swallows repeatedly, trying to make her tongue work.

"But I just... know you would never hurt me. You might be dangerous, but not for the reasons I initially thought," Anita admits. "You make Nathaniel happy when he comes back from spending time with you. Jean-Claude smiles more now that you're around so much. I smile more, am distracted when I notice you nearby... and even when you're not nearby, you're in my thoughts and I can't think of anything else for a little while. You aren't dangerous to me physically, but..." She laughs, shaking her head. "I think you're dangerous for my heart. I kept telling myself I didn't really love you, that it has to be Jean-Claude's memories or your power, and maybe a lot of it is, but I think it has to grow from somewhere, from something that's mine."

"Is the distraction not dangerous?" He asks, softly, afraid of the answer. "If you were to think of me at the wrong moment, to become distracted by my voice, my laughter, when enemies threaten...I could never forgive myself."

"Then I guess you'll just have to not laugh when someone's trying to kill all of us?" Anita asks with a grin. "I don't think of you when I'm doing a raising or setting out to fill a warrant. When I have to focus, I do. It's..." She feels her cheeks warm. "Usually, it's when I'm alone or not thinking of anything particular. Thoughts of you creep in and, suddenly, they don't stop."

It happens quite a lot when she's with Jean-Claude, and she can't figure out if it's his fault, Asher's fault, her fault, or no one's fault at all.

Asher arches an eyebrow at that blush, relieved she isn't having the violent reaction that Jason had spoken of, before. That he does not need.

Anita takes a breath and lets it out slowly. "I talked to Jean-Claude about you. About us." She looks directly at Asher now. "This isn't about me anymore." That's a big step for Anita, admitting it's not all about her. "His happiness is important to me. Your happiness is important to me. It really is, Asher, even though I know I wasn't very... trusting or understanding when you first befriended Nathaniel. I want Jean-Claude and you happy, and I'd like to be happy too. He suggested you and I find out if there can be anything between us before anything else, since if we can't manage together, then a threesome will never work out."

Asher actually blinks at her, his mind a-whirl. This...was not what he was expecting tonight's conversation to be about, though it does explain her nerves. He looks down at his hands, laces his fingers together neatly, buying himself time to answer. Privately he thinks that 'wasn't very trusting' is an understatement when it comes to Anita's reaction to his relationship with Nathaniel. He can only imagine what her reaction will be when - because it is a question of when, not if - she finds out about him and Nathaniel, about the marks. He is hesitant to destroy what little good faith exists between them now, but equally he knows that to lie to her longer is a folly, one that should be avoided.

He raises his head, looking at her. "I am willing to try." He sighs, running a hand through his hair, slowly. "But it is not only myself, and Jean-Claude, and your feelings that must be considered."

"It's not?"

Anita's brow furrows as she tilts her head a little.

"Richard already knows about you, and while he's not happy about the sharing, he's willing to work at it. Micah has always said he didn't mind sharing me, and Jean-Claude... well, he's very much for the sharing," she says with a smile.

And this is why Asher gets frustrated with Anita. Such disregard for Nathaniel, for Damian, when they both feed her ardeur, and when Damian is so enslaved to her.

"And what of Damian? You are his mistress, whether you wish it or not. He must remain close to you." He tilts his head, trying to keep his voice kind when he says, "you know he can hear you, with Micah, and Nathaniel."

Anita's face flushes deeply, and she nods, looking away. "So he told me a few nights ago. I've worked things out with Damian. He asked for time and my touch, and I want his touch just as much, so... we're going to work on it. We have a date after my raising Saturday night." Another deep breath. "I'm trying, Asher. I'm trying very hard to meet everyone's needs, including my own. Do you..." Her heart jumps a little. "Do you not want to be with me?"

It's something she's not really considered, since Asher had seemed to enjoy what had passed between them before.

Asher shakes his head. "It is not that, cherie. Never that, I promise you." He sighs again, wishing he had the chance to speak to Nathaniel before this, hoping his leopard does not blame him too much.

"I have taken a lover," he begins softly. "And I must ask his permission. I do not think he shall refuse, but the knowledge that I had bedded you and Jean-Claude nearly parted us once before. I will not risk it again." Maybe she won't ask who. Maybe he can get away with it.

Fat chance, Asher.

Anita blinks several times, just staring at Asher mutely for a moment.

"A lover? And you were with... him... before we... and you didn't say..."

It seems complete sentences are beyond her at the moment due to the shock of that revelation. She's not sure whether it's the male lover or the withholding of that information that upsets her the most at the moment.

"Who? Who is it?"

Asher nearly winces, looking down at his hands, pulling away from her a little.

"Nathaniel," he whispers.

The world seems to absolutely stop for Anita in that moment. Utterly stills as she dumbly gazes at Asher.

Nathaniel. Broken, vulnerable Nathaniel. Her leopard. The leopard she was supposed to protect. The weakest of the pard. Asher's lover?

"He's... Nathaniel's... when?" she demands. "How long?"

It should be noted that Anita has yet to stand up, to move away from Asher. She's trying, oh, she's trying, to not fly off the handle.

Asher is impressed that she's still in the room, that he isn't on the floor with a knife above his heart.

"Around five months," he admits quietly.

"Five months?"

Anita shakes her head, looking away from Asher, dumbfounded. Five months. The two of them had--

"You were seeing him when I showed up," she whispers. "That's why everyone--God, everyone was covering for you."

That betrayal is like a knife to her chest, and her head whips around, eyes on Asher.

"They've all been lying to me. You've been lying to me. How... Asher..."

He doesn't dare reach out, but he tries to keep his voice as soothing as possible, making himself look as unthreatening, as submissive, as he can.

"I am sorry, cher. But we feared you would disapprove. And the way you acted when you found out we were even friends, seemed to suggest that we were right." He wets his lips, nervously, and looks at her at last. "I love him, Anita."

"You love him?" Anita laughs, standing from the bed finally. "You love him. You love him, and the whole bunch of you have been lying to me the whole time!"

She looks around the room, as if looking for Nathaniel, and then she focuses on Asher. "Get up." She stalks to the door, jerking it open. "We're going to find Nathaniel and have a little talk."

Asher stands, sighing heavily.

"About what, cher? About how unsuitable I am for him? About how I will hurt him? How he shouldn't be alone with me?" His voice is hurt, sad, thick with sorrow. "We have done this dance before, ma cherie. It will change nothing."

"You've kept this from me, all of you," Anita says. She can feel that sorrow, just as she always can when Asher puts it into his voice. It's like cool rain on her skin, and she's not unaffected by it. It's just that she shoves it aside, focusing on the anger she feels instead. "We're beyond keeping you both separated, beyond that dance. We're onto new steps, Asher."

She opens the door and ushers Asher through. "And one thing I've learned over the years with Jean-Claude? Everything fucking changes."

Asher picks up his coat on the way out of his room, shrugging it on easily as he pauses in the hallway, waiting for her to lead the way to Nathaniel, or to Jean-Claude. He's already regretting telling her, but he couldn't have kept silent. Not when she was being so open with him, was risking a relationship. That seems a distant dream, now.

Jean-Claude could wait. It's Nathaniel Anita is after. She heads towards the leopard's room and doesn't bother knocking.

Nathaniel is on the bed, in his jogging shorts, brushing out his hair. He looks up, startled, eyes darting between a very angry looking Anita and a stoic vampire. This, he decides, can't be a good thing. It won't help that the room reeks of Damian, either, though Anita won't smell it. No, Anita won't, but Nathaniel knows Asher will. He sets his brush aside and looks at them both, trying to summon up a smile. "I wasn't expecting company," he murmurs.

"Asher has told me something today," Anita says, stopping a few feet from Nathaniel, hands on her hips. "Are you fucking him, Nathaniel?"

Now Nathaniel is terrified, and his eyes go to Asher, silently begging to know just what his vampire had been thinking. His heart races, and he looks back at Anita, nodding mutely.

Asher tries to wordlessly apologise, somehow, without giving it away to Anita. He brushes his hair back from his face, seeming as stressed as Asher ever gets.

"Anita came to me," he murmurs softly, "to ask if I would consider a relationship with her and Jean-Claude." He sits down on the end of the bed, refusing to act too differently around Nathaniel, just because Anita is there. He brushes his fingers against Nathaniel's ankle, trying to ignore the strong smell of Damian that fills the air, setting that aside for later.

"I told her I had to speak to you first, mon chat. When she asked me why, I told her the truth."

That touch means so much to Nathaniel at the moment. It soothes something intangible in him. Asher's consideration also touches him, deeply, and his smile takes on a true edge of pleasure when he looks at Asher. "Thank you," he whispers. "For thinking of me."

Anita shakes her head, not liking this at all. "All this time, you've been lying to me. All of you. Why, Nathaniel? Why would you do that when I do everything I can to protect you?" she demands.

Nathaniel looks up at Anita, blinking slowly. "Because you would have told me no. You came here and told him to stay away from me. That was reason enough to hide it, Anita. We'd been together for a while by then, and you didn't ask me if I was happy or if I wanted to be his friend or anything. You just told me I couldn't be alone with him and told him to keep away. Of course we hid it. Of course the people who love us helped us hide it." He gives her a look, as if she's lost her mind. "I didn't want to lose him because of you or you because of him. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Be honest!" Anita snaps. "You were supposed to be honest."

"And where would that have gotten us, Anita?" Asher asks, never taking his eyes off Nathaniel. "You did not want me to even be alone with Nathaniel, when you thought we were nothing more than friends. What would you have done if you knew that we were intimate?"

Anita watches how they look at each other, and it reminds her of how Jean-Claude looks at Asher or Richard looks at her. She's not sure if Nathaniel truly feels for Asher what Asher may feel for him, but she's certain if she can get Nathaniel away from Asher, she can sort out the whole mess. "What I intend to do now. He's my pomme de sang, Asher, and you had no right to take him as a lover, not without talking to me first. As his Nimir-Ra, I placed a blanket order that anyone Nathaniel dated had to be cleared by Micah and me, and that order has been violated. This ends now."

Nathaniel feels his heart drop at those words, and his eyes are torn from Asher to stare in utter disbelief at Anita. "What?" he whispers.

"It ends, Nathaniel. That he's encouraged you to lie to me is proof enough that he's not good for you, and had you come to me and asked permission, this might have been avoided entirely," Anita says, crossing her arms. "This proves the relationship isn't healthy in any way, and I've spent the last half dozen months trying to get you to a point where you're healthy. I won't let this sabotage everything we've been working towards."

Asher stands, furious.

"You are not being fair, Anita," he murmurs, deathly quietly. "You know very well that you would not have granted permission then, as you deny it now." He walks towards her, letting all humanity drain out of him, his face utterly blank and still, his voice quiet enough that she'll have to strain to hear him.

"Why, Anita? Why is it that I am acceptable food for the ardeur, an acceptable third in your bed, with Jean-Claude, and yet you will not have me so much as look at Nathaniel?" He's honestly utterly baffled, and hurt, and angry, and he lets all those emotions color his words.

"Nathaniel is practically a child, Asher. He doesn't know how to tell someone no, or how to tell someone to stop. He can't take care of himself, and so that responsibility falls to me. Me, not you. Jean-Claude and I can take care of ourselves, we can see and understand and choose, but Nathaniel was stripped of his ability to make such choices for himself," Anita says, trying to stand her ground. Asher shedding what made him somewhat mortal-looking unnerves Anita, as does the tone of his voice. She knows she's dancing with something dangerous, but she doesn't back down. "You took advantage of a broken mind."

"I did no such thing," Asher practically spits, vibrating with anger, horrified that this is what the evening has come to.

"Did you honestly think that you were responsible for the changes in Nathaniel in the last few weeks? That he was growing under your 'help'?" The sarcasm in that last word is all too clear.

"Nathaniel is perfectly capable of making his own decisions." He turns, looking at Nathaniel, muscles in his jaw twitching. "And he is far from broken."

Nathaniel has been watching them, how they argue over him as if he isn't even in the room, until Asher turns to him. Asher acknowledges him, and it causes a warmth to blossom in the cold pit of his stomach. Nathaniel turns his eyes to Anita, his expression serene compared to Anita's and Asher's. "Anita," he says calmly, standing up from the bed. "The things done to me were terrible. I know that. I know what those who had been in charge of my care, of my safety did, how they abused me. I didn't know they'd abused me, not... not really. A little, yes, but I didn't realize just how much until Asher." He smiles, so gentle and understanding. "I appreciate how you try to protect me, but right now, Anita, you're protecting me from what makes me unbelievably happy. I love Asher, and Asher loves me."

He reaches out and takes Anita's lax hands in his own, that smile never wavering. "He stopped," he murmurs. "Once, in the middle of things, I asked him to stop. He stopped, Anita. No one had ever done that for me before. They took what they wanted, without listening to anything I said, but Asher listened. He stopped, and it's honestly the greatest gift he's ever given me. Asher showed me I can be listened to and that my wants are just as important as anyone else's."

"Nathaniel--" Anita begins, but Nathaniel shakes his head.

"I chose this," Nathaniel says. "I went to Asher. I fed him. I offered myself to him. I loved him. I let him mark me." There, that was out of the way now too. "Asher's always asked me what I wanted, always given me a choice, and that's how I know he loves me. I don't question it anymore. Just as I know you love me, and I accept your meddling and protective intrusion into all aspects of my life. If you didn't love me, it wouldn't matter so much to you. And I love you, because you are big and bright in my life, my Nimir-Ra, my friend. Please, don't take that away from me. Don't take Asher away from me."

Asher's eyes are on Nathaniel as his leopard speaks, and while he is angry with Anita, afraid that Nathaniel will be taken away from him, he cannot help but be so proud of his lover, for standing up to Anita. He's worried what Anita is being pushed to, what she will do in response to Nathaniel's words. She has never been good with people disagreeing with her, and Asher cannot see that now will be any different. He steps closer, his shoulder brushing Nathaniel's, his fingers brushing the small of Nathaniel's back, giving him what support he can.

"Please, Anita. I promise you that I will never harm Nathaniel. Our friends will make sure of that."

Anita yanks her hands away from Nathaniel and steps back. What she doesn't like the most is that Jean-Claude's words are ringing in her ears, that Nathaniel could say no, but it was that no one had ever listened to him. She shakes her head, glaring at Asher. "The friends who have lied to me? I'm supposed to trust them now?" She holds out her hand to Nathaniel. "We're going, Nathaniel. We're going back to St. Louis and having a long talk with Micah and this will end."

Nathaniel looks up at Asher, tears in his eyes. "You're making me choose," he says to Anita.

"There is no choice. You're my responsibility."

Eyes never leaving Asher's -- have Asher's eyes ever been more captivating to him? -- Nathaniel shakes his head a little. "There's always a choice, Anita, you're just refusing to see one right now. It's either you or Asher. If I choose you, I lose him... I lose my lover, my friend, and my Master. If I choose him, you'll send me away, and I'll never have what I want with you." It's hardly fair, Nathaniel thinks, to be torn in two like this.

Asher can't watch this, can't watch Nathaniel be made miserable by the person who claims to have his best interests at heart, who claims to love him. He takes Nathaniel's hand, gently tugging Nathaniel to face him, shutting Anita out for a moment.

"Go with her, mon chat," he whispers. He keeps his back to Anita, knowing he's speaking quietly enough that she won't be able to hear. "We will find a way, I promise you."

Nathaniel shakes his head again. "You mean hide it all over again? Are we supposed to hide forever? It's not fair to you or me or Anita." He has to choose, and he knows it. Just as he's known deep down in his bones he loves Asher, he knows this moment is one of those pivotal moments in life. It's where he decides something hugely important. Nathaniel bows his head then, leaning against Asher as a sob wells in his throat. "Go, Anita," he says, his voice somewhat muffled. "I am staying with Asher."

Anita just stares at Asher's back, completely disbelieving what she's hearing. "What?" she asks, her voice a little more breathy than she wants.

Asher wraps his arms around Nathaniel reflexively, blinking in surprise as he looks at Anita, clearly completely taken aback by Nathaniel's words. The surprise is quickly hidden under a blank mask, Asher's eyes cool as he looks at Anita.

"I believe you heard him perfectly well, Anita."

Anita clenches her hands at her sides. "If you do this, Nathaniel, there is no place for you in the house." She will not abide by this, and she will not tolerate lies and the men in her life having sex with other men.

His hands ball in Asher's shirt, and Nathaniel's ashamed by the tears. It's exactly as he thought it would be. Anita would cut him out of her life, shove him from the pard. "I... choose Asher," he says, trying to keep his voice as steady as Asher's, but he knows he fails miserably.

"Fine," Anita says, voice clipped, back tense. She gives the couple a final glare and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Nathaniel jumps in Asher's arms at the thunderclap of sound, and then he lets himself quietly cry. His arms don't let go of Asher, and it isn't long before his tears wet his vampire's shirt. "I love you," he says brokenly.

Asher picks Nathaniel up effortlessly, carrying him over to the bed, lying down with Nathaniel curled on top of him.

"I love you, mon jolie chat," he whispers, kissing Nathaniel's forehead, his cheeks, combing his fingers through Nathaniel's hair again and again, his mind a whirl. He never expected this, never thought that Nathaniel would choose him over Anita, that there would be any other alternative to him left alone, again.

"There is plenty of space in my room at the Circus," he murmurs eventually, "if you wish to share my quarters, you are welcome to."

Nathaniel slowly quiets, eyes half open and his thumb pressed to his lips. He sniffles every now and again, but the comfort of Asher so close to him, of touching him, soothes the worst of the pains right now. "You'd let me move in with you?" he whispers, surprised.

Asher nods, gently wiping away Nathaniel's tears from his cheeks.

"For as long as you wish." He would happily share his rooms with Nathaniel forever, but he doesn't want his leopard to feel like he's trying to control him.

Nathaniel stares at Asher, rather lost, but at least he's loved. At least he has somewhere to go. "What am I going to do without the pard?"

"They will not abandon you, cher," Asher reassures Nathaniel, sliding his hand through auburn hair, over and over, soothing to both of them. "Micah, Liz, Jason - they all hid our secret, they protected us. That will not end now that Anita knows."

But so much else would end now that Anita knows.

"Do you still want to be with her? With Jean-Claude?" Nathaniel asks.

"I would do many things to be with Jean-Claude," Asher murmurs. "But lie to Anita is not one of them. I could not. I think...it is different to how I feel about you, how I feel about Jean-Claude, but I do love Anita. It is a precarious emotion, particularly when she acts so particularly unreasonably..." he sighs, turns his head to hide his face against Nathaniel's hair.

"Sometimes I do not understand that woman. I do not know if I'm flattered or insulted that she considers me worthy of her attention, and yet would ban me from yours."

Nathaniel rests his head against Asher's chest and sighs. "She's afraid," he says, closing his eyes. "She's afraid of what it would mean."

Asher kisses the top of Nathaniel's head, tightening his embrace. "She is not the only one," he murmurs, praying that Nathaniel does not regret his choice.

Snuggling a little closer to Asher, Nathaniel asks, "You're afraid? Of what?"

"That you will regret choosing me," he whispers. "That I am wrong to trust in our friends, that they will take Anita's side."

Nathaniel lifts his head and kisses Asher, deeply, passionately, his hands cupping his vampire's beautiful face. When he pulls back, he sniffles and looks into Asher's eyes. His words are adamant, fierce as his eyes seem to flash. "I'll never regret you, Asher," he promises. "Never. Never think that."

Asher's hands cup Nathaniel's face in turn, an echo of his lover's. "I love you," he whispers, leaning in to kiss Nathaniel again. He can't think about what this might mean, about what awaits them outside of the four walls of Nathaniel's room. Part of him thinks they should move to his room, away from Anita and the others, Nathaniel's room the hub of so much activity amongst those from St Louis. But he can't bring himself to move, not yet.

A soft sigh leaves Nathaniel's lips, and he remains cuddled against Asher. "Can we stay here just a little longer?" he murmurs. The room smells of Anita and Damian, two comforting scents mingled with Asher's, and he just wants to bask in it a little longer before he gives up on it and goes with Asher to his room.

Asher nods, sliding his arms around Nathaniel, kissing the top of his head. "We can stay here as long as you wish." He's tempted to take Nathaniel's bedsheets when they leave, knowing the familiar scent will make the hurt a little less.

"Thank you," Nathaniel whispers. As he lays there, it's probably the first time he misses a heartbeat in his lover. "Do you mind if I just... take a small nap before we go back to your room?"

"Not at all," he murmurs, though he'll be relieved and surprised if Nathaniel actually sleeps. "I will wake you just before dawn, cher. That should give us enough time to return to my room."

Nathaniel nods. "I love you," he says once more. He lays there for a while, Asher's petting soothing him, and after so much crying, sleep does find him. It's restless, fitful, but Nathaniel holds tightly to Asher, unwilling to move or be moved, even as he sleeps.