(no subject)

[anita_blake]

Anita gets into the Jeep, eyes on Animator's, Inc., and she lets out a long breath. The conversations with Damian and Demeter have been swirling around in her head for a couple of days now, and she knows they're both right. She pulls her cellphone out of her jacket and dials Richard's number. It's well past six in the evening, and she crosses her fingers that Richard didn't have a date tonight as the phone rings.

Comments

[anita_blake]

"I've talked with Damian, Jason, Demeter, and Jean-Claude," she says slowly, poking at her rice. "They've helped me realize I am punishing them for the relationship, not the lying, which is pretty much what you said the night it all happened."

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

He eats a couple forkfuls of beef and rice, brow raised a little as he watches her. There's the faintest of nods, because he knows what he said that night.

"And what are you going to do now that you've come to this realization?" Because it's taken four conversations, apparently, for the point to finally sink in deep enough that Anita will deal with it.

[anita_blake]

"I'll talk with them. I'll... apologize," she says, popping another piece of chicken in her mouth. "I miss Nathaniel. I miss Asher. I know I've hurt them, that I punished them for something I shouldn't have, and I will see if they will forgive me."

Her eyes lift to him.

"What do you think?"

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

Richard nods, "I think it's a start." Realizing she was wrong and apologizing is always a good start. But at least with this, it's only a start.

"What about their relationship? Are you going to let them have it?" Apologizing only got a person so far.

[anita_blake]

"I can't very well they demand to stop. Nathaniel carries two of Asher's marks. It would be impossible to separate them now, even... even if I wanted to."

And Anita has realized she really doesn't want to.

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

Richard's food is momentarily forgotten as he watches Anita. His head tilts a little, "And you're comfortable with that or is that still taking some time?"

The question is serious, no mocking or joking. He wouldn't joke about something she doesn't feel, or hadn't felt, comfortable about.

[anita_blake]

"It's a process," Anita says, looking from her food to Richard. "I... told Jean-Claude that we -- Jean-Claude and I -- talk with Asher about..."

She blushes.

How can she agree to things that she can't even talk about?

"I don't have to think about what they do in bed, Asher and Nathaniel. I can accept they love each other, are intimate, but I don't have to really see it."

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

Richard has a very confused look at that first part because she's really not being clear and he's not sure where that was going. Though the blush hints at the topic at least. The faintest of confusion may drip down the marks.

He nods again though, "No, you don't. And that's good, Anita." He offers a small smile, "You letting him back in your house any time soon?" Idle curiosity is the stem of that question.

[anita_blake]

She nods.

"If he wants to come back."

Anita hopes he does.

In response to the confusion, though, "Jean-Claude wants a true ménage à trois. If Asher is willing to work at my pace, I'm willing to try."

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

That earns a cough and it's Richard's turn to push his food around his plate. "Oh."

He's...not sure how he feels about that.

[anita_blake]

"I know you don't like sharing me, and we never have to talk about the others, but... we can't pretend like they don't exist," she says, looking at him.

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

Richard looks up from his food, "I don't pretend like they don't exist. I just..." He gives a shrug.

[anita_blake]

"You pretend they don't exist."

Anita's meal is forgotten.

"I didn't want to just do things without telling you, Richard. I didn't want you simply finding out either through the marks or after the fact. I'm trying."

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

"How do you figure?" The question isn't angry or anything, just he's not comprehending how he pretends they don't exist when he deals with some of them every so often.

"I appreciate the telling me part. And I'm trying too." He hasn't closed off the marks since their talk in Milliways. He hasn't snarled at anyone she's sleeping with without being provoked.

[anita_blake]

"For a vast majority of our relationship, you're either insulting them and me or we don't speak of them unless there's a problem."

Anita greatly appreciates that Richard hasn't closed off the marks, just as she hasn't. It makes her feel closer to him and Jean-Claude than she's felt in a long time.

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

"I haven't insulted them or you recently. And I thought the not really talking about them in that manner was working for us."

He eats some of what's on his plate, not really tasting it. He can say the same about her, he feels closer to her with them open. With her always just there inside. He can't say he doesn't like that feeling.

[anita_blake]

"Is it?" she asks him, pulling the breading off one of her chicken pieces and just eating the chicken. "I don't know. Maybe people in these sorts of relationships don't share with all the different partners, talking to everyone about everyone else like one big, happy family."

She has no basis for comparison, and that's starting to grate on her nerves.

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

He moves some of the beef around before eating another forkful. He gaze flickers between Anita and his food, offering a shrug. "I don't know. I've never seen someone else in our situation. Might just go by what is comfortable for all?"

[anita_blake]

Anita puts her fork down.

"What's comfortable for you?" she asks, turning all her attention on him.

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

He opens his mouth to answer but doesn't really have a good one. She was right originally, he really doesn't like to share her in general. He's come to be okay with the prospect of it, is almost completely alright with sharing her with Jean-Claude, but hearing the rest of it doesn't do so well. Some of that transfers down the marks, a deeper understanding of what he's going through.

"Just knowing in a general sense who you're with, not necessarily details," he answers, looking at her.

[anita_blake]

Anita nods.

"Right now, it's Jean-Claude, Micah, Damian, Jason, and you."

Though she's not had full-on sex with Damian yet, and she's not sure if she ever will.

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

He nods slowly, figuring that if all went well with the apologize Asher and Nathaniel would be on that list. Especially considering what she'd said about the her and Jean-Claude part.

"Right," he murmurs. His fork is set down. He's not sure if it's exactly fair, having a list from her when she doesn't have one from him. Though his are usually just whoever he's dating at the time. Which was no one at the moment. "Any plans to add to that?"

[anita_blake]

"It's not like a planned on what I have now," she reminds him. "I planned on marrying you, having kids, and settling down. Plans in this city seem to mean jackshit, so while I don't plan to add to the list, I won't say no because I don't want to lie to you."

[puppyeyedulfric.livejournal.com]

There's a faint quirk to his mouth because his brain caught one piece of that specifically. "Kids?" He'd known every part but the kid part in that. That he didn't remember ever coming up.

[anita_blake]

Anita lips curve into a little smile.

"It had been something I'd thought about," she says. "Kids and housework and cooking and working part time... I had a whole fantasy life, as normal as anything could be for us."

She's just as guilty as him for wanting the happily ever after, but it was just a fantasy, a dream she'd finally let go of.